Here is my paper. Please let me know what you think! :)
Adult Bar and Bat Mitzvah May 8, 2006, I go into Temple Israel, sit down and look up to see a group of adults standing on the bimah ready to become bar and bat mitzvahs (sons and daughters of the commandments). Usually, I am sitting in Temple watching a thirteen year old celebrating their bar/bat mitzvah, but today was different, I was witnessing my mother and her bar/bat mitzvah class celebrate their bar/bat mitzvahs. More and more people, for many different reasons, are having adult bar mitzvahs because they see it as a way to strengthen their ties to Judaism and to connect more deeply to their Jewish identity. This cultural trend has helped revive the original meaning of the bar/bat mitzvah ritual, which is learning and connection to Judaism.
According to a survey conducted in 1994, “462 of 540 Reform congregations…” that were surveyed by the Union if American Hebrew Congregations had conducted adult bar/bat mitzvahs. These statistics show that adult bar/bat mitzvahs are becoming more and more popular; thus, there must be some reason why many people in the Reform movement, in particular, are looking to adult bar/bat mitzvah as the route that they want to take to express their Jewish identity. Today, “more than half of the Reform, Conservative, and Reconstructionist synagogues around the country regularly conduct…” adult bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies (Bruni B1).
In order to understand adult bar/bat mitzvah, one needs to look at the history of adult bar/bat mitzvah. In the 1970’s, Rabbi Albert Axelrad was the first person to have an adult bar mitzvah. After he chose to have an adult bar mitzvah as his way of expressing his Jewish identity, people saw him as a source of encouragement to have their own adult bar mitzvahs. However, the adult bat mitzvah was not started until later when woman started to become rabbis and cantors and getting more involved in the synagogue. The first women who decided to have adult bat mitzvah ceremonies did so, so that they could “develop the skills to be equal participants in the synagogue” (
Schoenfeld 1). It can be argued that a woman’s development of her place in the synagogue has become more and more important along with the woman’s rights movement, in the 1970’s; Jewish women want to feel equal rights in the synagogue as men do.
In the past few decades, people have referred to “having” a bar/bat mitzvah which implies possession: being given the ritual and having a party, but the current trend in adult bar/bat mitzvah reemphasizes the original meaning of the ceremony, becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. In order to engage in an adult bar/bat mitzvah there are various things that an individual must do. Although every synagogue has different requirements for their adult bar/bat mitzvah participants, they all have the same spiritual essence. Most importantly, adult bar/bat mitzvah has become much more than learning the skills that they need to do in order to participate in their bar/bat mitzvah, it’s about strengthening their Jewish identity. On a basic level, the students learn the “practices of Jewish life,” they actively explore the Torah, they learn the “nature of the siddur” and the synagogue service, and they tap into the deeper meaning that their Judaism has for them (
Schoenfeld 1).
Clearly, adult bar/bat mitzvah is about the individual and his or her personal and emotional connection to Judaism. For example, shortly before her 60th birthday, Bettijane Eisenpreis decided to give herself a unique birthday gift which “required no sum of money, but her own time and heart” (Bruni B1). In her experience, she saw her adult bat mitzvah as soothing to her because, as she says “time is not infinite” and in the remaining years of her life she wanted to live it in a much more spiritual way and be able to view life in “a deeper context” which she felt adult bat mitzvah would enable her to do (Bruni B1).
Furthermore, initially, most adults wanted to go through the bar/bat mitzvah ritual because they felt somehow, “incomplete as Jews” (Schoenfeld 1), but today there are more reasons why people decide to go through the process of adult bar/bat mitzvah. He further sees the knowledge that they get from participating in their adult bar/bat mitzvah celebration as serving a “social purpose” (Schoenfeld 2) and will impact them for the rest of their lives. Interestingly, a woman who had an adult bat mitzvah said that when she was thirteen, neither boys nor girls had bar/bat mitzvah ceremony’s because her rabbi felt that “children were too young to make that commitment” (Reeger 1). This ceremony of choice for adults, allows them to not only identify with Judaism as their religion, but go further as to “ritually” identify with Judaism (Schoenfeld 2). When I interviewed my mom about her experience having an adult bat mitzvah, she said, “I felt like I had accomplished so much,” she smiled. “I started four years prior having never read a letter of Hebrew and then I was able to read an entire Torah portion flawlessly. It felt wonderful!” (Lisa Brandes). Her experience shows that adult bar/bat mitzvahs can be much more meaningful than they are when they are traditionally done at the age of thirteen. Adult bar/bat mitzvahs are unconsciously challenging the concept of the initiation rite having to occur in the teenage years, placing the emphasis on spiritual rather than physical maturity.
According to Stuart Schoenfeld, the most important thing about adult bar/bat mitzvah is that when an adult goes through the ritual, they are making “a statement about choice and commitment” (Schoenfeld 2). In my mom’s experience having an adult bat mitzvah, she said that the biggest reason why she had it was because my brother and I were both getting older and she had more time to do something for herself. When thinking about what she wanted to devote her time to, she thought about how lost she felt when we went to High Holy Day services. She felt an increasing desire to learn Hebrew, and study scripture, in order to feel more connected to her Jewish identity. This led her to join the adult bar/bat mitzvah class and spend four years of her life learning and practicing in preparation for the big day. She told my dad that she did not want a party, she just wanted her friends to be at Temple watching her go through her ritualistic ceremony and to be technically considered a Jewish adult. But, because she worked so hard, my dad made her a small luncheon at my country club. Her main focus was on looking deeper into herself and completing the ritual feeling so that she more strongly identified with Judaism. This focus on completing an adult bat mitzvah in hopes of gaining something that she felt was missing from her life can also be similarly seen in Dana Marks’ experience with her adult bat mitzvah. She said “the bat mitzvah is my personal journey. Who I am as a Jew. Who G-d is to me.” (Toronto Star A08); thus, emphasizing the fact that she didn’t need recognition for her accomplishments, both her and my mother knew that from that day forward, as Jews, they were changed women.
Another reason why people choose to have an adult bar/bat mitzvah is when they have converted to Judaism. Adult converts holding bar/bat mitzvahs may not be the best examples of reviving the essential meaning of the bar/bat mitzvah because they may be motivated by playing “catch up” since they didn’t get the opportunity when they were teenagers. According to a forum on beliefnet.com, a woman who was a convert to Judaism asked various questions, specifically about the adult bar/bat mitzvah process, but then she went further to ask if she needs to have a bat mitzvah ceremony in order to be a “full participant in the congregation” (
www.beliefnet.com). The convert’s question reveals a misunderstanding of the purpose of the bat mitzvah because in order to convert they had to go through much more learning than most people who are born Jewish. The responses to this individual’s question were interesting. One person said that she found that she wanted to go through the adult bat mitzvah ceremony “out of respect for the tradition” (
www.beliefnet.com) but, she did not find it to be of utmost importance in order for her to feel like a full participant in the congregation. Surprisingly, one individual who responded to the convert’s question was very negative. The individual stated that “an adult bar mitzvah is nonsense!” (
www.beliefnet.com). The person further goes on to say that once an individual turns thirteen, they become a bar mitzvah, regardless if they have an actual ceremony or not. Further, apparently this individual who responded to the convert’s question wasn’t alone in his or her feeling because Rabbi Mendel Rosenblum, a Chabad Rabbi said that “technically, women and men become a bat and bar mitzvah simply by passing those milestone birthdays” (Reeger 1). Regardless of these various perspectives on adult bar/bat mitzvah in relation to converts, they have made the choice to convert and identify with Judaism, thus they must find something striking and enjoyable about the religion; bar/bat mitzvah is one way of expressing their new identity.
Some men, in particular, have adult bar mitzvahs because they want to repeat the ritual that they went through when they were thirteen years old. Repeating the ritual later in life can be seen as reinforcing the “becoming” meaning of the bar/bat mitzvah. For example, Rabbi Benson Skoff had his second bar mitzvah when he was eighty-three years old. According to him, this is the traditional age for an individual to have their second bar mitzvah because it signifies a traditional lifetime, “70 years—plus 13 years” (Harris 1). When asked about his experience going through his bar mitzvah for the second time, Skoff says, “the second time is just as meaningful” (Harris 1). As a thirteen-year-old, he was recognized in the Jewish community as an adult and assumed the “moral and religious duties,” but as an adult and a rabbi, going through his bar mitzvah again, he was able to not only recommit to the “goals that scripture points to,” but to “give thanks to G-d that he [I’m] still here” (Harris 1). After his ceremony as an adult, he exclaimed, “today I am a man!” which emphasizes just how revitalizing this event was in his life (Harris 1). Further, Skoff saw this opportunity to have his second bar mitzvah as an adult, not only as an opportunity, but as a personal responsibility in order for him to continue to “live a good life…” and to continue his religious education (Harris 1). He looks at reaching this milestone age as a gift and thus finds a second bar mitzvah as a way to celebrate this joyous occasion!
In my research, repeating the bat mitzvah as an adult bat mitzvah did not apply to woman as much because they were not nearly as encouraged as bar mitzvahs were when they were thirteen years old. I think it is important to take a closer look at woman in particular and both their experience with adult bat mitzvah and why they choose to go through that ritual as adults. Becoming a bat mitzvah for the first time entails a commitment to in-depth study which can be remarkable for adults, especially if it means overcoming an old sense of being discouraged. One or two generations ago, when many women were twelve or thirteen years old (the traditional age for women to celebrate their bat mitzvah), they were not encouraged to have a formal bat mitzvah ceremony like boys were. In interviewing my mother, I learned that not only did girls not have bat mitzvahs, but her family wasn’t very religious and her parents didn’t encourage it like she did for my brother and me. She decided to have an adult bat mitzvah because when she married my dad, who came from a more religious background, she felt more and more integrated into her Jewish roots and felt that in order to fully feel connected to Judaism, she wanted to prepare for an adult bat mitzvah.
A similar story to my mom’s is Dana Marks’ story about her adult bat mitzvah. She, like my mom, talked about how there really weren’t ceremonies for a girl’s passage into adulthood. Marks wasn’t raised to think that she would ever have a bat mitzvah, unlike today where parents strongly encourage it, so when she was twelve years old, she felt “relieved that she [I] didn’t have to” (Toronto Star AO8). Although Marks felt happy that she didn’t have to partake in a bat mitzvah when she was twelve years old, as she grew into adulthood, she felt that she really had missed something. “I began to think it wasn’t fair,” she says. It can be inferred that these women who decide to have an adult bat mitzvah realize that there is some part of Jewish identity that men who partook in a bar mitzvah when they were thirteen have, that they yearn for; thus, they have an adult bat mitzvah to capture what they are missing. Feeling a sense of inclusion is an important aspect of identity.
Adult bar/bat mitzvahs can said to embody the very essence of the ritual when done with their children. For example, Dana Marks and her daughter, Eliana had their bat mitzvahs together. “I wanted to be part of her bat mitzvah and I didn’t know enough to do that,” says Marks of her reasoning for having her bat mitzvah in conjunction with her daughter. It is beautiful that a mother and daughter would have their bat mitzvahs together, but I found it significant when Marks mentioned that although it was the most profound experience that she has ever had, her daughter’s readings were four times the length of her readings. Rabbi Tina Grimberg, the Rabbi who bat mitzvahed the Marks’ mother and daughter pair, herself not a bat mitzvah, said that she understands why these women want to participate in the bat mitzvah celebration with their daughters because in terms of the big picture, how can they and she speaks of herself legitimately “help or demand of their [my] children this year-long study and commitment when they [I] have not?” (Toronto Star AO8). Although Grimberg sounds a bit like a hypocrite saying such a thing since she herself is not a bat mitzvah, but this compelling question raises the issue that spiritual maturity can’t be expected, it is better when led by example. Although her son is only one year old, an adult bat mitzvah might be in her future plans either with him or by herself. Parents who find the time that their child is having a bar/bat mitzvah as a way in which they can strengthen their Jewish identity while their child does as well unconsciously reinforce the meaning of the ritual itself.
Another compelling story about an adult and a child having their bat mitzvah ceremonies together is that of a sixteen year old girl and her seventy-three year old grandmother. Being, the outspoken teenager that she was, when Chiara Greene was twelve years old and was supposed to begin preparing for her bat mitzvah celebration, she refused. “It just wasn’t something that I was into…I [she] wasn’t a religion-oriented type of person” Chiara, at age sixteen said (Kelleher B3). However, on a whim, Chiara jokingly dared her grandmother that if she had a bat mitzvah, she had to do it too. Chiara definitely would not have proposed the dare if she expected her grandmother to agree to it, but she did. So, sixteen year old Chiara Greene and her seventy-three year old grandmother, Eileen Greene, who hadn’t had a bat mitzvah when she was younger because it was an uncommon endeavor for girls, celebrated their bat mitzvahs together. What initially began as a dare, ended in the most special ceremony, not only for Chiara and Eileen but, for Chiara’s father who tried everything to encourage his daughter to have a bat mitzvah, but until Eileen accepted the dare, she was persistent in not having one. Although Eileen probably would not have had a bat mitzvah if it hasn’t been for Chiara, sometimes it takes another individual to help someone embark on a journey to find their Jewish identity.
In sum, one can see how popular adult bar/bat mitzvah is becoming because adults who for many reasons did not have a bar/bat mitzvah when they were thirteen years old, are using this ritualistic ceremony as their way to ‘find’ their Jewish identities and to connect on a deeper level with Judaism. It is going to be interesting to see if adult bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies become more or less prevalent in years to come because when people from the baby boomer generation and older have had all of their bar/bat mitzvahs we will be left with children who have already had their bar/bat mitzvahs. Possibly, it will become more prevalent for not only men, but women as well to re-become bat mitzvahs.
